


Contracts/Sighs

by aquietdin



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, December Spoilers, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, not-so-platonic cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8115961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquietdin/pseuds/aquietdin
Summary: "I guess," Yosuke admitted. "It's just - sexual frustration is one thing. But this? What am I supposed to do? I can't jack off my emotions." A pause. "Oh my god, that sounded so lame."
In which both Yu knows what Yosuke's sighs mean, and he and Yosuke make a silent arrangement to relieve their need for physical affection.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% self indulgent fluff. Written in one sitting and unbeta'd.

Yosuke was sighing.

Not that this was anything new; Yosuke sighed a lot, a wistful puff of breath that could be anything from irritation to hunger, depending on the tone and pitch. After months of hearing them, Yu could suss out their meaning, like it was a second language he was learning. He'd found that the sighs that began high and then sunk low were the mark of weariness, when school and the TV World had worn Yosuke down. Sighs that stayed even were brought on by frustration - from Junes, homework, any number of things. And the least common ones, the sighs that were little more than air with barely a hint of voice at the end, those were the ones triggered by what he could only guess was loneliness.

He'd hear those sighs when Yu would have to turn him down, usually when he was already walking away and leaving Yosuke behind for whatever plans he'd already set. Sometimes they'd sound late at night, when they studied, staying over at one of their houses and slurping sodas over their books until the wee hours. Quiet Yosuke was a rare occurrence, something that could only be sighted when he was asleep or listening to music (and even then it was rare, he hummed along to nearly every track).

It seemed silly to Yu to hear it now. They were only a few feet apart, they'd been together all day.

"Something on your mind?"

Yosuke was leaning back against the couch in Yu's room, his head tilted back against the cushions. "Nah," he spoke at the ceiling, his adam's apple bobbing. "Just... thinking."

"Don't hurt yourself."

"Ha ha," Yosuke waved an arm at him, not bothering to lift his head from the couch. He sighed again, and Yu closed his book.

"Seriously," Yu spoke, crossing his arms over the table between them. "What's on your mind?"

Yosuke made a non-committal sound and shrugged one shoulder. "It's dumb."

"Try me."

Another sigh, this one long and noisy. Frustration? Yosuke pulled his head from the couch cushions. "Just wish I had a girlfriend, yanno?"

Turning his head to the side, Yu kept his gaze on Yosuke's face. There was an 'and' in that sentence. Possibly a 'but.' But Yosuke, for all the ways his jaw never seemed to stop moving, had a knack for clamming up with the topic became too personal.

"You'd rather be making out with a cute girl rather than studying with me," Yu accused, although lightly, keeping his tone high. "I get it."

Yosuke wrinkled his nose, frowning. "It's not just that, jeeze. It's--" He cut himself off and reached for his soda, emptying the can in one gulp.

"It's what?" When he wouldn't answer, Yu prodded further. "You know you can talk to me."

A sigh, quiet and hidden. "You know Takeda? The dude in 2-1? He just started dating this first year girl. And I guess I'm jealous."

Nodding for him to continue, Yu leaned back, sipping his soda.

"I see them in the halls," Yosuke went on. "And they're cute together, I gotta admit. They're always holding hands and stuff, and it's..." He trailed off and shook his head. "I dunno. It just seems really nice."

"What, holding hands?"

Yosuke nodded, popping the tab on his soda and letting it rattle in the empty can. "Mm. Like, when I say I want a girlfriend, it isn't just for makeouts and smooshies and that stuff. I want the other stuff, too."

Yu smiled, shuffling onto his knees. "How romantic of you."

"Don't make fun of me," Yosuke pouted.

Breathing out a sigh of his own, Yu crawled around the small work table to sit beside him. "I'm not," he promised, leaning against the couch. "It's normal to want that stuff, isn't it?"

A shrug. "I guess," Yosuke admitted. "It's just - sexual frustration is one thing. But this? What am I supposed to do? I can't jack off my emotions." A pause. "Oh my god, that sounded so lame."

Yu nodded. While he doubted it was to the extreme that Yosuke was experiencing, he understood the sentiment. Contact was nice. He couldn't say that he didn't enjoy when Teddie would attempt to tack him in a hug. Or when Chie would pat his arm, or Kanji would clap his back (even if it did tend to leave a red mark, the first year was stronger than he realized). But Yosuke was a needy person. Needed to talk, to be heard, to touch and feel. He would swing an arm around Yu whenever he could, punch his bicep, anything. Yosuke was delicate in that way, his constant need for affirmation was a part of him, just as much as the shape of his nose or his height.

The idea struck, and Yu rolled his shoulders before going for it. He scooped up one of Yosuke's hands in his own, his fingers warm and thin.

Yosuke tensed, looking down between their bodies at their hands. "Dude. What are you doing?"

"Holding your hand," Yu answered, as if it were the simplest thing on Earth.

Yosuke's dark eyebrows knot. "When I said I wanted someone to hold my hand, I didn't mean another dude." With a shake he frees his fingers and puts them back on the rug below.

"Not even if it's me?" Yu pouts, earning him an eyeroll in response. He took Yosuke's hand again, threading their fingers together and squeezing. "Maybe I want to hold hands with someone, too."

Frowning, Yosuke's gaze flicked between their hands and Yu's face. "You're so weird," he said, but didn't let go.

\-----

A week later they're in Yosuke's room, going through stacks of CDs as Yu had convinced him to organize his ever growing collection.

"Where do you even buy all this?" Yu asked, filing another jewel case onto the stack that he'd designated 'American music.' Yosuke just shrugged, checking the underside of a disc.

"A lot of them came with me from the city," he answered, apparently satisfied with the CD and snapping it back into its case. "I've gotten a few from Okina and the internet, too."

An hour and a plate of snacks later, Yosuke's music collection was neatly compiled in rows on the shelf according to genre, release date, and preference. He'd put one of the CDs on, a European band from the 90s. Yu laughed as he leaned back on Yosuke's bed, the frame creaking.

"This song's almost as old as we are," Yu pointed out. Yosuke flopped down next to him with a grunt.

"So? Still good."

It was warm in the room, the sun baking the asphalt outside, sending waves of humid air creeping in as summer took hold. A fan was going, the hum of it combined with the music made Yu's eyelids droop. He could feel Yosuke by his side, body heat rolling off his skinny frame and on to the rumpled blanket below them.

Yu extended his fingers, curling them in the air until they brushed against a wrist. He angled his hand and slipped his fingers into a hot, damp palm, and held loosely. Yosuke made no move to pull away or shrug him off, his hand curling to tap Yu's once.

\-----

The pattern continued, like a secret contract they'd both signed without knowing. Yu would lean into Yosuke and take his hand, or maybe Yosuke would instigate with an arm around his shoulder that pulled him in close. Always in privacy, usually in a dark room, and never known to anyone outside their small, sacred space. Those were the terms and conditions.

Yu was thankful for the contact, having mapped out both of Yosuke's hands, the tiny scars from the TV World, the knot on his knuckle where his pencil sat, the raised bump in the crease of his thumb from a box cutter slip-up at Junes years ago. He was sure Yosuke had done the same, commenting on Yu's chewed cuticles and dry skin.

It filled a need they both had, something bordering on affection but not quite, still within safe platonic boundaries.

On a hot night after midterms, Yu dared to push their agreement, leaning his head on Yosuke's shoulder while a game show rerun played on the television in Yosuke's room. He half expected to be shrugged off, but Yosuke made no move to shoo him away, even leaning his cheek on Yu's hair. Yu let out a little puff of breath, a happy exhale, and rubbed his cheekbone against a soft cotton v-neck.

The next time the contract changed, it was Yosuke's decision. The last day of first term classes ended with the two of them in Yu's room. After dinner with Nanako and the quiz show, baths taken, the fan on high and an array of cold drinks at the ready, Yosuke was setting up a game system he'd brought over for a late night of zombie shooting to celebrate the beginning of summer break. The table had been pushed to the side to make room for the spare futon. Yu sat on the floor and leaned against the couch, content to watch his best friend play rather than participate. Yosuke was much better at these games anyway.

"Move your leg," Yosuke commanded, crawling over with a controller in his hand. Yu obeyed, quirking an eyebrow in question. Yosuke immediately sat in the space between Yu's knees and leaned back, his shoulder blades resting against Yu's stomach. He shuffled a bit, making himself comfortable as he selected 'continue' on the game screen.

Yu froze for a second, slightly caught off guard by the ease in which Yosuke slid himself into his lap. Yosuke must have felt it, pausing his game and craning his neck up at Yu.

"This okay?" he asked, the top of his head pulling at Yu's tee shirt.

Yu found himself nodding. "Yeah. Just let me - " he tapped on Yosuke's shoulder until he moved, then grabbed a pillow from the couch and shoved it in the space behind his lower back. Wiggling to find a comfortable spot, Yu motioned for Yosuke to return, which he did.

The room was hot and Yosuke was even hotter, making sweat gather on Yu's back despite the fan, but it was nice. He could feel Yosuke's ribs expanding and contracting with his breath, the tiny movements of his shoulders as he button mashed his way through leagues of virtual undead.

Yu's focus shifted from the game to Yosuke's hair, smashed against his chest. His roots were growing out, dark hair contrasting with faded copper. He'd most likely dye it before the beginning of second term.

Without really thinking about it, Yu began to play with Yosuke's hair, twisting little locks between his fingers. Yosuke sighed, and it was definitely a sigh of contentment, even though the distraction resulted in a game over.

"That feels nice," he said softly, continuing from the last checkpoint, seemingly not bothered by the loss of progress.

The little twist of Yu's fingers turned to combing through Yosuke's hair, fingernails scratching against his scalp. Yosuke sighed, pausing his game more than once to lean into it.

Eventually sighs turned to yawns and the game was saved and put away, the clock reading well after two in the morning. They brushed their teeth and settled under sheets, their futons making a T shape on the floor. Sleep was coming easily, Yu could feel it, despite the sticky air that was only partially relieved by the fan.

Yosuke's futon shifted, the sound of whispering fabric, and a set of four fingers were curling around the back of Yu's neck. They moved back and forth, rustling the short hairs at the back of Yu's head, sending little ticklish bolts down his spine. With a deep sigh, Yu fell asleep.

\-----

Backing Yosuke up against rebellious employees wasn't really part of the original contract. But clauses and addendums were being added at such a rate that Yu didn't see the harm in one more.

Yosuke was wound tight after that, stuffing his hands inside his pockets for the entire walk home, shoulders hunched and muttering to himself. Once in his home, he made a point to ask Teddie to leave, to which Yu agreed and promised the bear an outing the next day. Teddie left, looking heartbroken, and Yosuke fell face down on his bed.

Yu resisted the urge to chuckle. Something muffled came from the sheets where Yosuke's head was lodged.

"What was that?" Yu asked.

"Come here," came the much clearer response as Yosuke rolled onto his side. Yu went to him and sat, only to have fingers clutch at his arm and pull him down. Yosuke buried himself against Yu's chest, heaving a long, trembling sigh.

Yu curled around him, one hand in his hair and the other drawing patterns on the broad of his back. Yosuke relaxed eventually, huffing a breath as he untangled himself from Yu's arms to stand and stretch. They ate dinner and Yu went home, but not before Yosuke pressed into his side another time in the doorway, letting out a sigh that Yu wasn't quite familiar yet.

\-----

The weather was beginning to cool, a thunderstorm chasing away the hot air and replacing it with moisture and petrichor. Yosuke came to spend the night, barely making it inside the door before the downpour began. Instead of video games, he and Yu traded stories, sitting hip to hip on the couch. A candle glowed on the work table, a precaution in case the storm decided to knock out the already fragile power.

When the stories slowed, Yu pulled out his futon and then turned to help Yosuke unfold the spare. He found his best friend kneeling with a frown, staring at the bedding, before shuffling over to Yu's and nestling into the sheets.

Yu followed, unsure of how to ask him to leave and also not wanting to. He placed himself carefully, leaving an inch of air between them, before Yosuke wrapped his long arms around him and pulled Yu to his body.

Finding himself gulping, Yu went over the finer details of their agreement, unsure of what routes they'd taken to arrive at this new, revised version - a version that apparently included cuddling while sharing a bed. But Yosuke didn't even flinch, putting his nose to Yu's scalp and exhaling hot into his hair.

\-----

"Is this really okay?" Yu asked, even though a million voices in his head were screaming to just keep his mouth shut. Yosuke stirred, barely shifting from where he was pressed against Yu's back, arms wrapped around Yu's chest. A movie was playing on the TV, some drama that was honestly boring.

"Is what okay?" Yosuke parroted, his voice tickling Yu's ear.

Yu touched one of his arms, the one that was nestled closest to his ribs. "This." He hated having to use his voice. He'd liked to think that he was fluent in Yosuke Hanamura by this point, now that the summer air was all but gone and the trees were tipped with orange and yellow. But he couldn't figure this one out. The feeling that something was amiss was always there, in the back of his mind.

"...'s fine," Yosuke answered, his arms tightening so minutely that Yu almost didn't feel it.

"You wouldn't rather be doing this with a girl?"

Yu regretted the words instantly. Yosuke stilled, chewing on his lip - Yu could hear it with how close he was. Then Yosuke let out one of his frustrated sighs, leaning back and pulling Yu with him, until they were both leaning against the couch, his wrists locked around Yu's chest.

\-----

"Yosuke," Yu tried. He poked at a rib for good measure, smiling at the squeak and squirm it produced. But his friend didn't budge from where he'd draped himself over Yu, legs tangled.

"Yosuke, I'm serious."

"What?" Came the annoyed muffle from next to Yu's collarbone, accompanied by warm breath.

Yu sat up, forcing Yosuke to sit up with him and ignoring the annoyed grunt. He didn't want to have this conversation. But.

"What are we doing?"

Yosuke fixed him with A Look. "Uh. Relaxing?"

Now it was Yu's turn to sigh. He brushed some of the hair from where it was stuck to Yosuke's cheek. "That's not what I meant."

He could see Yosuke biting the inside of his cheek, his hands balling into fists where they sat on top of his knees. He shook his head and sighed, a long, low sigh. Fatigue, maybe frustration.

"Can we talk about this later?" Yosuke whispered. "I've had a really shitty week, and I just..."

He trailed off and Yu felt a stab of guilt. He knew Yosuke had a bad week. He'd been there for most of it, through the pop quizzes and bad shifts and missteps in the TV World. Yu nodded and flexed his fingers. Yosuke returned, crawling onto Yu and pushing him into the mattress, settling back into his chest, slightly more curled inward than before.

Yu pressed a tiny kiss into Yosuke's forehead, right where his hairline began. There was a small inhale of breath, sharp, and Yosuke's spine stiffened. Yu bit his lip, so sure he'd breached the contract, stepped over the hidden line - but then Yosuke relaxed and sagged against him, burrowing further into Yu's sweater.

\-----

When the weather turned cold, Yosuke spent most nights at Yu's house, his uncle's house, now empty and devoid of any happiness it once contained. They pressed themselves together under the futon quilt, shivering until it warmed from their bodies. Yu would continue to shiver, trembling and shaking as he did his best to keep himself from crumbling at the thought of his family tangled in life support wires.

Yosuke just drew him in, held him close, let Yu hide his face against his neck. Sometimes he cried, sometimes he managed not to, and Yosuke was there, fingers on his back and in his hair and on his face, wiping away tears, kissing his cheekbones and the top of his head.

\-----

The December sky cleared and for the first time in a month, Yu could feel air in his lungs and not just the fog, the awful fog that had gotten into his veins and bones and had poisoned him. He knew they all felt it, and even though he couldn't contain his smile, Yosuke's hand slipped into his and squeezed once, as if to say _I'm still here._

A visit to the hospital, dinner at Aiya's, and a hot bath. Yu felt rejuvenated. Reborn, almost. Yosuke was plugging in his phone, already in his gaudy orange pajama pants and pink socks and band shirt. He shuffled over to the futon and sat on his knees.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey." Yu couldn't really answer more. He was tired, more tired than he realized was possible. But Yosuke leaned forward and kissed his mouth, gently, then pulled back in question.

Yu smiled, and Yosuke kissed him again. They settled under the blankets, Yosuke letting out more than one happy sigh as he coiled himself around Yu, who pressed back with everthing he had.

 

 


End file.
